Nama : mirna wati
SRN : 1401120951
Study : writing II
Seruyan city
One of the place visit in central kalimantan is seruyan.
Seruyan was called fish city because there is many fishemen. Most of them they
work ara fishemen, farmer, worker. And also many place to visit. The first,
bakau river is beautiful place and the there is near kuala city. The second,
there are cry stone, ampar stone, ladder stone, they are difference place. Cry
stone there is in batu manangis village, ampar stone there is sandul village,
and ladder stone there is tangga batu viiage. The third, there are pentol hill,
and twin hill, it’s so nice, high, so cool, and beautiful place. The fourt,
palm compeny is well place and the most people work ther. Finally, seruyan city
is place to visit interesting and little strange.
This paragraph should pay attention to the letter. If a word mentioning the name of the city, you should use capital letters if the letters are so well after the point. And write a paragraph should use a new line.
BalasHapusSeruyan was called fish city because there is many fishemen. (This is supporting sentence 1) Most of them they work ara fishemen, farmer, worker. (This is supporting sentence 2) And also many place to visit. (This is supporting sentence 3)
The first, bakau river is beautiful place and the there is near kuala city. The second, there are cry stone, ampar stone, ladder stone, they are difference place. Cry stone there is in batu manangis village, ampar stone there is sandul village, and ladder stone there is tangga batu viiage. The third, there are pentol hill, and twin hill, it’s so nice, high, so cool, and beautiful place. The fourt, palm compeny is well place and the most people work ther. (This is examples/minor).
I think in your supporting sentence 1,2 you must give examples/minor and don't forget time connector and signal words.
Your paragraph will be better paragraph, if you more attention the grammar. :)
BalasHapusYou must write "One of the places..." don't forget to put the "s" because it will determine your paragraph talking about. Pay attention with the name of the city, always write the first letter with the capital. Look at the second sentence, "...because there is many fishermen" if it the plural information you must use "Are". I not agree with your statement on the third sentence. At the previous sentence you write that there are many people work as fishermen, so you don't need add another information. I afraid that it will be not coherent. And the fourth sentence, I think it is useless because we knew that you are going to talking about the interesting places. So, you just repeat the previous information.
BalasHapusLook at your first supporting sentence "....there is near Kuala city" it will understandable if you write ".... it is located not far from Kuala city". And it is to specific if you just talking about a river. I hope you will add another river or lake in the city. Talking about the second supporting sentence you must write the major first. For example: "There are some amazing stones like Crying stone at crying stone village, Ampar stone at Sandul village, and Ladder stone at ladder stone village. Your third supporting sentence must give the interesting information or fact about each places. The fourth supporting sentence is to specific. And it will be better if you remove it or make a new major supporting sentence about the job of the people who lives there.
I just wondering that you will make a surprised concluding sentence and make it the power of your paragraph.